I’ve been told recently that those who allow themselves to experience a full range of emotion are “Drama Queens”.   That anyone who dares to share how they feel should be shamed and outkast away from social groups.  “No one wants to hear the drama”  “We only want happy thoughts here”.   Telling that to someone like me …. one who experiences and feel emotions so deeply .. it’s a slap in the face.  It’s not like I can turn it off by flipping a switch.  I’ve always been very empathetic towards others.  I consider myself compassionate .. and passionate.  I don’t see the world through rose colored glassed 24/7 – and I think (correct me if I am wrong) that makes me more REAL than any of the phoneys out there with a fake smile plastered on their face as the world crumbles around them.

Studies have even indicated those who allow themselves to fully feel all emotions are overall mentally healthier than those who bottle up their emotion – or only allow themselves to smile in the face of adversity.  I actually have a great deal of pity for anyone who is not comfortable enough with themselves to cry in front of other people.  I think it makes us human to share with our friends the JOY in life as well as the SORROW.  Successful relationships are the ones that work together to overcome struggles – and celebrate in the success of overcoming those issues.

I’ve been talking a lot this week about forgiveness.  I’ve been working on a week long forgiveness ritual – and while it’s offered me some peace of mind there’s one thing I am supposed to do that I can’t bring myself to do – send a letter to the person(s) who hurt me.   And the reason is that they won’t see it as a letter of forgiveness -they will see it as “More Drama”.    Then absolutely nothing will have been resolved.  So while I am working really hard to forgive them in order to heal my heart and move on .. I’m going to have to leave this last step off the list.   In a way I’m not 100% ready to forgive them either.  Perhaps I want to hold on to some of the anger and hurt as a reminder why I need to stay far far away from the toxic environment they created.

I got a note the other day from one of the DJ’s at BGLRadio.net that said  (paraphrased) “You’ve done nothing wrong.  There’s a mob mentality happening behind the scenes where several people are taking a perverse pleasure in causing harm to people they don’t want in  their inner circle.  They’ve been pushing people out for the past year.   It’s the mob mentality that’s effecting his behavior – and if he has any ethics he will figure it out and leave once the lure of supposed fame wears off.”   To Hell with whose real lives they destroy in the process.    So yes – I can forgive him for his part in breaking my heart because I know he’s being manipulated by other people.   I just hope they don’t eventually destroy him as well.

I guess the most important lesson learned this past year – if we look at things objectively and as a social experiment – it’s that Online Relationships will always be volitle.  The inability to communicate face-to-face takes away some of that human factor, and those you think of as friends are not really your friends but merely associates.  Don’t give anyone online more of your soul than you’re willing to lose when they walk away.  I don’t regret falling for a man online because love is so worth the pain.  I would take the same risk again in order to find THE ONE.   I’m a romantic sap that way.  But I’ll for SURE be more cautious with who holds my heart in their hands in the future.  It’s been crushed and bruised and battered one too many times.  The next ONE has to have a gentle touch.

And for those who are afraid of emotion – please take a look at your life and see how happy you really are.  I will wear my Drama Queen tiara with PRIDE and the knowledge that I am fully transparent and honest with myself and everyone around me.   Can you say the same?

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