0cdeb5d84cff0260219208a7f8c5e1ccBeing a Middle Child I have always been the Peacemaker.  Being a Cancer, I hate leaving things unresolved.  Being an INJF Personality, it’s difficult for me to reach out to people in an attempt to mend broken relationships.  This makes me just a big old Peace Making Fool.

“Strong people will automatically stop trying if they feel unwanted.  They won’t fix it or beg.  They will simply walk away.”

I’m finding it difficult to simply walk away from a person that means so much to me – and I guess that makes me weak.  I’m doing my best to resolve things – and we were doing really good this week up till late last night.  One of his friends decided to butt in and state their opinion of me, and he once again stood back and watched it happen.   OK .. maybe he’s letting me fight my own battles.  BUT GOD!!  Just once .. ONCE .. it would feel so good to feel protected and defended.  And that right there is what makes me the biggest fool.  The knowledge that his loyalty lies with everyone but me – and yet I still want him in my life.  What in the hell is wrong with me?  As it turns out it was much easier for HIM to walk away from me.  Probably that’s for the best?

Maybe I’m one of those people that are meant to be alone.  Perhaps I am unloveable.  Fate may want me to just focus on my career and living my life as the crazy cat lady.  I don’t know … I just don’t know any more what the right thing to do is.  And I can’t afford to lose more confidence in myself when I have been doing so well.

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