I think my biggest struggle is coming to terms with the fact that I just might be on my own the rest of my life. Everyone keeps telling me not to lose faith .. not to give up. But at what point do you just face the facts and start planning a life on your own? When do you just realize .. this is it. This is the way it’s going to be for the rest of my life and I need to learn to be just ME. Not to hang on to the hope of a “WE”.
There are things that you plan in life to do with a significant other. So you say to yourself .. I’ll do that one day when there’s someone else to enjoy the experience with. You go through life looking at people with the thought in the back of your mind .. .maybe they’re the one for me. Maybe this time it will turn in to something more than just friendship.
Then you start to compromise. You try to convince yourself that people you meet .. may not be the ideal match for you .. but you could compromise. In that case you just end up hurting people unintentionally. Because what if you’re their ONE .. but you compromised. Will you ever truly be 100% happy?
And let’s not even talk about finding someone who is just almost perfect and finding out they’ve friend-zoned you. It turns into embarrassment and heart ache. You dare to take a jump .. just to crash land. How do you save face then?
So when do you stop looking? When do you say to yourself I’m happy just being me. When do you start living your life as ONE and make plans for ONE? Because I don’t think I’m ready to give up just yet. But I’m not sure how much longer my heart can take the search.