I have to learn to relinquish control. It’s very difficult for me .. I tend to be a control freak. I like everything to be planned out ahead of time. To stick to a schedule. To know what is going to happen and when. I like for things to go my way. And when things don’t go the way I expect them to go … I am so far out of my comfort zone I tend to get … moody.
As a hermit I don’t normally have to answer to anyone else. If I want something, I go get it. If something needs to be taken care of, I do it. So I’m no used to having to wait for others to do tasks or to make up their mind. I get a bit frustrated. Perhaps being a hermit my social skills are a bit rusty. Please be patient with me.
For the first time in a long time I have a clear vision of what I want in life, where I want to go in my career, what I want to do in my spare time, and have a desire for another relationship. I made a Dream Board at the beginning of the year and I’ve accomplished a lot of what’s on that board. I purchased my home. I’ve reconnected with my passion for music. I am having the landscaping completed for my house on Monday. I’m working on earning my Real Estate license. And I’m working to achieve a healthier life each and every day. What I’m having difficulty with are the relationships and friendships. I’m not reaching the monetary goals I need for survival. And I’m having to make a few adjustments on the career front as our business goes through growing pains. It gets me down sometimes. I have my blue days where my mom gets concerned. But ultimately I am happy with the way way life is going.
I’m just frustrated it’s not going along the path of my choosing.
That’s when all the ideology of the world pops in to my head – all those crazy sayings that tell you “when you let go and let Fate take control wonderful things will happen.” So here I am …. letting go of the things that I can not control. I’m going to let someone else step up and take care of the details. What will be .. will be. This is after all my year of change. And if I can truly let go and go with the flow .. if I can step that far out of my comfort zone … I’ll win.